Friday, July 10, 2020

Multi-tiered beading - multi tiered worry

Some days the studio and the creative process mask the anxiety, some days the studio and the creative process increase the anxiety.

Given how new this scenario is, I am finding it difficult to sort through my feelings and understand the best way to cope.  I get up in the morning and I'm never entirely clear on which kind of day I'm getting, the 'everythings ok, I'm safe at home with a loving partner and plenty to do and supplies to do it' or the 'the world is out of control and there's no end in site, I can't see my family and I'm not sure how I can create'.

Strangely this isn't the blogpost I meant to write.  Sometimes I can write the blogpost about my creative process and it's sincere and what I'm choosing to share on that day because it's one of the 'good days'.  It's not that today is terribly bad, I'm just unsettled.  You'd think with long stretches of time that really doesn't need to be accounted for much in the way of real work, that I'd welcome the endless hours to just create.  But instead I flit from one project to the next.

Here's an example and this is just my bead world, yarn and fabric have similar looking stacks of  in process projects.

I'm trying to examine why I even consider this a problem, but I am not having much success.  I've tried giving myself permission to pick up whichever thing speaks to me in the moment, I've tried the focus and finish method of picking one thing to work on, I've tried talking it through with other creatives, and using time blocks for one project vs another, but still I find I'm unsettled.  What I haven't tried is taking a complete break from making.  Maybe a book, a jigsaw puzzle or a nap might be in order.

I think that a contributing factor is that the choice to mostly retire from my bead teaching career of the last 20 years was already a time of change.  It's one we embarked on so that we'd have more time for grand babies and travel, balanced with homelife and being creative.  Having had half that equation removed makes for complicated feelings.

I have the exceptional good fortune to be planning an airstream outing that will have us self contained sitting on the bay with just a couple of projects that I'll take a long.  I have always found the small space of the airstream and the forced selection of fewer projects to be soothing and  I usually become my most productive self.  

In the meantime I do need to do some work on the museum of beadwork tile.  6 of the 8 'word petals' are done.   The shrink plastic that allows the permanence of words does not lends itself to the detail prisma pencil drawings that I prefer for coloring, so theres been some adapting of technique required.  Since I don't want to compromise there, two of them need to be redone with hopefully better results.

I know and appreciate that many of you still have pre-retirement lives requiring new ways of working and that long days of freedom to create would seem ideal.  I don't want to trivialize anyone's struggle to arrive at workable scenarios no matter what their situation is.  These are just my musings on my particular situation.  May you and  your loved ones be well and may you find some routines that work for your peace of mind.

1 comment:

GJ Cox said...

I understand what you're feeling and have been experiencing the same. I've read that we human beings need structure and routine. Now we're lacking what we previously saw as our normal so we're a bit discombobulated! I keep telling myself to take advantage of this time because we won't get it back. Still it's hard to focus and maintain.

Enjoy your trip and I wish you peace of mind!